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marriage & family: by faith or formula?

by vyckie bennett

At a recent Christian workshop for parents of preschoolers, the speaker laid out several Biblical foundations which are essential to raising godly sons and daughters.  The talk was inspiring with lots of wise, helpful counsel offered straight from the Word.  But in the end, the speaker went too far and I cringed as she attested, "I have so much confidence in the Bible that I can give you this guarantee: if you, as parents, are faithful to diligently instill these disciplines in your two-year-olds - then you can have faith that God will build upon those foundations and 10 - 15 years down the road you are not going to be dealing with the disrespect, laziness, selfishness and rebellion that typify today's teens."  As I looked about the room full of idealistic young parents, I could only pray that God would grant them discernment - because if they took this lady's guarantee to heart, they're in for bitter disappointment if their children do not transition from childhood to maturity quite so smoothly as they might expect.

Julie was very excited to share with me about a new marriage enrichment book she had discovered. The book contained lots of great admonishments for Christian women to honor and obey their husbands - to be the "helpmeet" that wives were created by God to be.  "I've discovered a whole new perspective - and I have faith that God is going to honor my obedience by totally changing my husband and the direction of our marriage."  Since I hadn't seen Julie so happy in a long time, it was tempting to smile and say, "That's nice, Julie - I'm so happy for you."  But, because I could clearly see the trap the enemy was luring her into, I had to warn my friend that what she had mistook for faith was actually a formula which God did not authorize.

In our family, we have often been confronted with this issue of faith because we deal with several obvious physical imperfections.  Warren lost his eyesight on the job 28 years ago.  Three of our girls inherited a bone condition from me which causes deformity and chronic pain.  We have made approximately 50 trips to Minneapolis for treatment over the past 10 years and Chassé, our 13-year-old, has had ten surgeries because of this problem.  We have been asked, "Don't you believe in healings?  Don't you have faith?"

It seems everything we learn comes the hard way.  So when I talk about false faith, I'm coming from a been-there-done-that perspective.  I have fallen for most of the deceptions myself.  I thought I knew something - thought I had great faith, but eventually I would run up against a brick wall called Reality.

We have all heard, no doubt numerous times, preachers give us the illustration of how the new bank teller doesn't learn to recognize a phony $1 bill by studying counterfeits - instead she gets very familiar with real money to the point that she can instantly spot a fake because it doesn't feel right to her trained hand.  There is an element of truth to that way of thinking - but I fear that we as Christians have heard the story repeated over and over like a mantra to the point of numbing our brains and, in fact, we often can't spot the counterfeits or truly appreciate and apply God's truth to the day-to-day reality of our lives.

So, bear with me as I go against tradition and actually look at some counterfeits in order to help clarify what Biblical faith is.

Faith is not The Force - This one is obvious, but there are a lot of Christian mystics who believe that faith is something "out there" - a force or spiritual element that we just need to tap into.  I've heard Christians compare faith to radio waves - if we can adjust our spiritual antennae to "tune in" to this faith it must do our bidding.  They believe faith is a power in and of itself - a law of nature like gravity which must always behave according to its own constraints and as Christians we can make that power work for us or against us. 

I ran into an older gentleman in town one day - this man was a friend of mine and I was concerned.  One look at him and it was obvious that he wasn't felling well.  He had red, watery eyes, runny, sniffling nose - he was coughing and he looked feverish.  "Vince!" I said,"you don't look so good."  "I'm not confessing that!" he replied.  "I'm confessing health and wellness - I have to have faith!"  Now Vince claimed to be a Christian but what he really believed is a form of dualistic pantheism in which god is an impersonal cosmic entity to be used for good or evil.  I'm sure Vince would have made a powerful Jedi warrior had he been born into Darth Vader's world.  But in the universe where we live, truth is truth and facts are facts, and the truth is Vince was sick!

Faith is not Presumption - Have you ever found yourself driving down the road - asking God for His traveling mercies when you looked down at the instrument panel and realized you were speeding?  Something in our spirit tells us this is not right.  Many people feel like spiritual giants when they can believe God for miracles that, if He were actually to perform, would be contrary to His Word.  A person who has had a problem with alcohol would be irresponsible to visit the local tavern - even if he prayed beforehand that God would grant him strength to resist the temptation to drink.  Such a person is not acting in faith - rather, he is being presumptuous because God has clearly instructed otherwise - yet the fool goes ahead and then "trusts" the Lord to bail him out.

When Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness (Matt 4) one of the responses that Jesus answered with was, "It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."  Tempting God is the sin of presumption - the devil even quoted scripture to convince Jesus to "have faith" - and yet, Jesus recognized it as scripture twisting because to throw Himself down from the temple would have been contrary to God's clearly stated purpose.  Yes, we should believe God to protect and deliver us - but we should never attempt to force Him to do so by our flagrant disregard for His prudent instruction.

Faith is not "Blind Faith" or "A leap in the dark" - this is what atheists and evolutionists practice.  Evidence may be shaky or even to the contrary, yet they believe because they must - the alternatives are unacceptable.  Christians fall into this "faith without content" very readily.  They believe wholeheartedly but couldn't tell you what it is exactly that they believe in and they can sound super spiritual because they'll cite Jesus' words to Thomas, "because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed; blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." (John 20:29)  These Christians are scary - what if it happened to be a cultist who appeared at their door during the time of spiritual crisis that led them to Christ?

If we're going to worship God, we need to be assured that the God we worship IS God and that we are truly worshipping.  This requires an element of reasoning - not the "proof" that Thomas demanded, although Jesus did not condemn him for requiring evidence - He only pronounced a special blessing for those who believe without being able to physically handle His resurrected body.  In order to put our faith in Jesus, we need to have at least an elementary understanding of Who He is and what He requires.  Jesus was careful not to exclude our intellect when He cited the greatest commandment - to love the Lord with all our hearts, MIND, soul and strength.

Faith is not Fate - My grandmother's favorite saying is: If God wants it to happen, it will happen.  She doesn't worry about anything because she figures everything is predetermined and there's not a thing that any of us can do about it.  Fatalism is a Greek concept - their gods were capricious and unaffected by the sufferings of man.  This is totally contrary to Christianity - not that God has not predetermined, but He has called us to an active and vital relationship with Him.   

A friend who has been having quite a lot of difficulty lately, asked me, "If God really has a special plan for my life, then He is going to use me no matter what I do, right?"  Well ... yes and no.  God did accomplish His will through Moses, but because of his impatience and anger, Moses was not permitted to enter the Promised Land.  God certainly did use Sampson, but what could have been a story of a great national hero, turned into a tale of personal failures and tragedy.  There are numerous times throughout scripture when we see that God's will has not been done and even a couple of examples where God "repented" of what He had already determined to do.  Fatalism is a lie.  As Christians we know that our actions affect history and our prayers influence Heaven.

Faith is not Wishful Thinking - It's easy to want something to be true so badly that we find evidences in support of our belief and convince ourselves that it is so.  Jeremiah 23:16-17: Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you:  they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD.  They say still unto them that despise me, The LORD hath said, Ye shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you.

We need to be on guard that our "faith" is not in reality the vain imagination of our own heart.  God says the heart is "deceitful above all things" - and I need to constantly be aware that the one my heart wants most desperately to deceive is ME!  In verse 17 of Jer. 23, the Lord goes on to provide a remedy:  For who hath stood in the counsel of the LORD, and hath perceived and heard his word?  who hath marked his word, and heard it?

Faith is not Magic - One aspect of the sorcery condemned in scripture is the attempt to control that which is beyond our control through manipulation of the spirit world with rituals or incantations.  It is man's attempt to attach strings to God so that we can make Him dance like Pinocchio to do our bidding.  This is very common and easily recognized once you grasp the concept.  I knew a lady who boasted of how she "prays the scriptures" over circumstances in her life.  Now, there is nothing wrong with praying the scriptures and that can even be quite profitable.  But if we think we can induce God to cooperate with our program because we say certain words or perform this or that activity, then we have fallen for the sin of sorcery.  Sometimes it works - though I would seriously question by what spiritual power our will is accomplished.  More often, God fails to dance and we are left bitter and angry.

I mentioned at the beginning of this article the workshop I attended where the speaker guaranteed that if we simply apply certain disciplines when our children are toddlers, God will grant us smooth sailing through the teen years.  I also wrote about Julie, who thought that she could get God to straighten out her husband if only she acted a certain way.  Both cases are examples of magical thinking which is more closely related to sorcery than Christian faith.

Consider all the millions of Christians who have married and raised children.  You would think with all that experience, someone would be able to say "Here is what works."  It's that way with baking.  If you take a recipe for Cinnamon Bread and you follow the directions exactly, you will get Cinnamon Bread.  Where's the recipe for a wise husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the Church?  If I just act a certain way and say the right words - add a pinch of toad liver, an eye of squid, Abracadabra and POOF! My husband is Prince Charming!  Who's got the magic potion for mature, godly sons and virtuous daughters?  Yes, there are principles that we must apply, but I'm sorry to say there are no guarantees. 

It's tempting to think "If only I had a secret formula!"  You do A and B and you WILL get C.  Wouldn't that be nice?  But where is faith if we have a formula?  If you could do certain things and get guaranteed results, you wouldn't need faith in God - because you would BE god!  You'd be all powerful!

We have to face the fact that we are not the only ones with who possess a will.  Our husbands have their own free wills.  Our children, as if you needed a reminder, have their own wills.  We need to trust that ultimately, God's will is going to prevail - but we are not necessarily going to be the ones who make that happen.

Okay ... now that we have several points of contrast (if you're still with me!), we can more easily see what Biblical faith is:

Faith is active assent to God's authority.

Matthew 8:5-10: And when Jesus was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him, And saying, Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented. And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal him. The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed. For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. When Jesus heard it, he marveled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.
 
This Roman Centurion understood that FAITH MUST BE AUTHORIZED.
 
Here is an everyday example to help make this point.  Suppose I leave a blank check at your house - of course, you would understand that it doesn't do you any good without my signature.  If you took it to the bank for money, you'd find yourself in deep trouble.  BUT, it is an altogether different matter if I write the check out to you, fill in the amount, and sign my name.  Now I have authorized you to withdraw a specified amount of money from my account.  But it's not enough to just believe it.
 
James 2:19: Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.
 
If you took that check, knowing full well its value, and hid it under your mattress, it would do you no good.  This is why I said that faith is active assent to God's authority.  You have to take that check to the bank.  In the same way, we must believe God's word and act on it
 
We must not be presumptuous by appropriating Bible promises to ourselves which are not specifically addressed to us.  Our daughter, Angel once asked me about Matthew 17:20: If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.  She wanted to know why, if she believed even a tiny little bit, she couldn't get a mountain to get up and move. I told Angel that the reason she can't get mountains to move is that God never specifically told her to move a mountain.  Without His authorization, our faith falls into one of the categories of false faith already mentioned.

So how do we walk by faith?

The truth is, the life of faith is not always exciting or glamorous.  If you spend time talking to mature believers who have served God for many years, they will tell you that most often, God works quietly - almost imperceptibly.  When life gets overwhelming sometimes you feel there's no way you can go on.  Where is God?  Why doesn't He speak?  Why doesn't He show Himself?  Why doesn't He just fix everything?  Each day can be a struggle just to get out of bed and face another day.  But you do get up, and you do what needs to be done.  You believe - simple things like God is Good, and He is in control.  Maybe you don't understand exactly what He's doing, or why He's doing it - but you can say with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

Day by day, as we study the Word and go to God in prayer, we learn to rely on His revealed character - when God introduced His Son to us through the gospel of John, He told us that Jesus is full of grace and truth. John 1:14 - And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.  In fact, He said it twice for emphasis.  John 1:17 - For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.  Jesus is full of grace AND truth.  His truth is readily discovered in the written Word of God.  In the Bible, God has given us "all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through our knowledge of him."

God is faithful - and He has called us to walk by faith.  This means, we hear His voice and follow it.  At times, His voice may be very faint - less than a whisper - and we're not really sure what He wants from us.  How can we know what He wants us to do?  There is a very simple principle that we need to remember during those times.  The more, the more, the more.  The more we are faithful to obey what He has clearly revealed, the more of His will He will reveal to us.  There are plenty of plainly stated commandments which we already know God wants us to obey: love your husband, love your children, be discreet, chaste, a keeper at home, good, obedient to your own husband.  James tells us in chapter 1, verse 22, "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves."  It is God's mercy that blinds us to truth when He knows we will not obey it - because the more truth we understand, the more we will be held accountable to that truth.  So, if we want God to teach us His ways, we have to be committed to faithfully following the path that He sets before us.

When we are determined to follow God wherever He may lead us, He'll show us the next step.  And when we take that step, He shows us the next step.  Sometimes He gives us glimpses of the road ahead - but more often it's a step-by-step, daily walk of faith.  Isaiah 30:21 - And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.  If we're not listening, we won't hear that voice.  If we're not willing to obey, God will put the blinders on us.

God's grace is usually discovered in hindsight.  Days go by, then weeks and months, sometimes years pass, but we look back and we see that God has brought us through our trials and adversities.  We can plainly see that He was with us all the time - upholding, strengthening, and encouraging us.  I want to leave you with a blessing from 1 Peter 5:10 - Now may the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, though you may suffer a little while, may He restore, establish, strengthen, and support you.

 

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